If you've got a toddler I'm sure you'll be aware of The 10 Commandments. These commandments are ESSENTIAL to the smooth running of mealtimes - disobey if you dare! If you are still blessed with a speechless, non argumentative baby or you're in pregnancy bliss, congratulations, you've got a head start, some of us were not privy to these rules and we spent many a meal time suffering for it... consider this training - you're welcome.
- I must sit on you or hang on to your arm.
- I will eat from your plate.
- You will not eat from my plate.
- I will drink your drink. You must finish said drink once I have deposited half of my chewed dinner into it.
- Each mouthful will not be greater than the size of a baked bean - no exceptions.
- I must be praised - with applause and standing ovation after every mouthful.
- Dinner must be on my special plate - spoiler alert: special plate changes every day and sometimes seconds after I've chosen said plate and you've plated up dinner.
- Cutlery? What's cutlery? I WILL use my hands - for all foods.
- I will only eat 3 mouthfuls, pudding will then be provided, with a glass of milk followed by whatever snacks take my fancy while I watch a really mind-numbing cartoon.
- None of these rules apply to Grandma or anyone else who cooks for me - unless you're there.
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